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| First, we has gotta talk about safety. Ifin you don't want ta end up lookin like this poor critter on the right here, well then safety is just sumpin you is gonna have to learn. Before you go a screwin with them fancy tools from that guy in the pretty truck, you has got to learn how ta use tha basic uns first. That being the hammer..we call it the BFH round here..and the big screw driver/pryin bar.. |  |
| See this bueatiffy ford body? Well ifin we spend just one afternoon on this with our trusty BFH and our prybar...I mean our screwdriver, and a sixpack of beer...from now on we is gonna call that Genny..well we'll havin ourselfs one right purtty hotrod. |
| Well, you are gonna need a bigger BFH then what you got now, I kin see it already, frikin city folk an yourn wimpy little carpit hammers....And what do you mean "whos Genny?" Well were you been all yer life boy? Aint nothin mixes with that nasty slimy pizza crap from down at the Mobile mart like Genny.. its the REAL mans elixer. Didnt think I could spell me them fancy words like "elaxer" now did ya. You can have them fancy beers like that Budwisser and the expencive stuff like that rich mans beer Milwalky. An you can keep that fancy city stuff they git from God know where. I jest stick with my Genny. I keeps me regular like. | 
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| Shoot, we is jest gittin right of the track here ain't we. Ius suppost to been takin you on a tour. Wait, the tools, thats rights, Well we tried most of them fancy things like the shiny ones with the funny lookin 6 sided holes at the top and such but still we figurd the BFH is a whole lot faster at gittin stuff apart. The one day the boss well he git these funny lookin big metal bottles ana big brass thiny that goes with them...from herein on out we calls this Birtha...Well, I tells you what, old Birtha, man she changed ourn lives! Fire er up right ofen your cigarette! Burn every thing in the way clear ofen them recks it did! But you better not mess with the likes of tools like Birtha, ah no, specialy after a few Gennys. Anyway, gittin back ta tool safety. Them fancy ones with the thingys that fit the nuts? Well they is what messed up ole Bubbas face up there. Yeh, he was a twistin and a pullin and sweatin up a storm...violatin ever rule in tool safety, plus aint none of the rest of us can stand his stinkin smell when he sweats, come an think of it we can't stand the smell when he ain't either. So that fancy tool come flying ofen that big nut. WHAP!..right in his face it smacked, cooned his eyes and dented his nose! See? he just didn't use the frikin tool safety! Well...no thats not all...the boss, he just git sick of Bubba whinin so he go an git Birtha. Burns that big stinkin nut ofen there. Bubba is a hootin an a hooleran and doin some form a dance and runs over to the hot en of whats left a that nut an says "I gives you the kiss a death!" With that he plants his frikin lips right oner. Well, ya can see the result of that un. He didn't use tool safety. |
| While we is on the subject ofen safety. Maybe we should meet the othern boys that works here. You already gotcha a good look it Bubba...ick...but hows about meetin the others. This one here in the right, well his name is Earl. I figure Earls about the most useless thing that God ever throwed in skin. | 
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| "I know all about thet tool safety crap" Earl hollard and THWAP! right in the eye went the big prybar. Dumbass. Never no why the boss keeps him, somethin about being his womans brotheruncle. Yeh, you heard me right. Earl likes him thet stinkin Budwisser. Dumbass. Earls also got him a woman, but he wont let us see er. We tried ta git us a look but she was up in the back pasture an ain't none of us like ta walk thet far. We do know he always carry a bucket a grain when he goes ta see er. Dumbass. |
| Now this here fellar he.., well I aint zactly sure he even works here. Prity much all he do is hide in the corner a the yard nakid up under a tree by the old trucks. The boss, well he say he use ta be quite a painter. All I kin figure is he didn't use tool safety because he always got a hole lotta neet colors up an under his nose. |
| Hey, don't be a lookin at me an thinkin to your cityslikin head that I didn't use tool safety! I lost them teeth fair an square. Earl bet me 5 frikin dollar I couldn't bite of the head of aren old BFH. Proved thet Dumbass wrong! 5 frikin bucks richer an I can run me down ta the Mobile Mart and buy me 2 frikin 6 packs of Genny! Ha, Earl you dumbass! From now on we are a gonna call thet dumbass Earl....Dumbass! |
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